I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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