I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
