he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
God, I missed his penis.
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