OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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