We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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