I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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