my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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