I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
