The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
