You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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