I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's great music for shaving your balls
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
