I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
