It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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