thus making me awesome and them whores
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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