my mouth tastes like poor choices
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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