RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
