dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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