dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
