The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
