my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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