I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
