like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
