He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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