I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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