she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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