she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
