Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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