i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
