are you still at the devil's house?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
