Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
