You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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