Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
