Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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