He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
