There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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