she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize