I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
