In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
