hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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