Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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