Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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