I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
