Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i came on her dog
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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