I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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