i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
