He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
