I think my vagina is haunted
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
