Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
