When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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