I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
