I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
