They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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