you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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