Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
