we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
