wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
