2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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