i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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