I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
