Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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