He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
