If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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