it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
