Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
