Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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