pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
