i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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