Umm I'm too high to move.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
