if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
