Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
