Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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