he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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