why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
