His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize