Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
