I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
