fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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