ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
