well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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