she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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